New Life

I'm afraid the butterfly is not alive now. Unfortunately before it was released into the outside world. But then it couldn't fly so we don't know what would have happened to it out there...

But look what has appeared on the tree next to the butterfly's place! A new shoot! So life is always appearing, even when you think it is disappearing.

The Great Interpreters

People think they have to discover something about themselves that they then put into the music they play. They think they have to have something to say, or some special way of saying it.

Maybe they think that because they see "the great interpreters" playing and see that it's very distinctive. There is some unique character there that you would recognise immediately no matter what they were playing.

Now, a good player has learned how to play well - they were not always able to play as well as that, they had to learn - but the basic character you hear was always in them from the beginning.

So what does somebody do who thinks they are not one of the great interpreters? How can they improve?

As I said, one way people try to do it is by "putting themselves into the music". But is that really what Glenn Gould or Sviatoslav Richter were doing? It's obviously them playing, you know immediately with no doubt. And the uniqueness comes from them. But the reason for it is that that's the way the music flows through their system. It's not something they add, it's a live connection to the music direct. On a bad day, they would tell you they were not connected, but on a good day the difference is that there is less of "them" and more of the music.

So the answer is not to add more of yourself. That is adding more ego. What is important, you or what you are playing? What is more important, telling the audience something you already know or discovering something new? Showing your heart or just pretending?

If you don't feel you are great, don't worry because the great people weren't great either. They thought they were rubbish. I'm telling you.

If you think you are good, you are wrong. If you think you are bad, you are wrong too. The only answer is to keep looking. Even if it's going well, there is still more to find. And if it is going badly, that's an excellent sign because you know you have got somewhere to go.

How to get better? How to get great?

Don't try to add things. Take things away. The more you put in, the less of the composer we are hearing.

Can you control your beating heart and the allocation of hormones and adrenalin and blood and electric communications in your body? I don't think so. So don't interfere.

The little "I" is not much help. All it can do is be selfish, which gets it a few advantages but only in the short term. The big "I" is a genius and you find it by being interested in what is not you.

For example the music. You have the score - read it! Enjoy it! The composer had a special reason for writing it and that reason still exists but we have to discover it. He saw something special and important. Now you have to show people where to look to find it themselves. Point in the direction. Or even carry them there. It's all in the music. READ IT!

And you know if you get it right or wrong, and you know if you don't know enough, and you know what you have to practise. You are the one who learns to get better, nobody can tell you how to be good. But people will help you. Everybody knows something nobody else knows - that's why there's more than one person in the world. That's why we need you!

Don't try so hard, try LESS HARD! But try your best! Your improvement will depend on how hard you look for the answers. Plus, bear in mind that you already know all the answers....if you look....

Fear

The things you fear are like shadows in the half of the room that you don't want to see. Your half is not in shadow, because you have chosen to look at it. But what's in the other half?

There is a monster under the bed, and one in the wardrobe too. Dark things come out at night and we clothe them in our own fear.

But in the daylight we can see what is there.

The things we fear are everywhere because we don't want to look at them. So when there is darkness - under the bed, in the wardrobe, or somewhere else we are not sure about - our fears appear. Whenever you sense some unknown thing coming towards you (in space or in time), you shape it into the thing you are afraid of.

The only question is, what is really there?

I think the answer has to be, there is something there. Or, there appears to be something there. What though? It's our choice whether we look closely or not.

Let's think of a situation. General fears around this area (where I am now) are: being robbed, being attacked somehow, losing things, or fear of a general disaster (of whatever type is popular in the media at the moment). Let's take fear of non-specific attack or robbery. OK, so you are afraid of that happening. When it is dark you are more afraid. That may be reasonable because there are fewer people around in the dark. However, that's rather the product of the fear of the dark that we talked about before. If it's dark then you put something there. If you can't see what is there, you imagine what could be there.

As uncertainty increases, this hypothetical person we are talking about gets more afraid. He creates more threats as his knowledge decreases. We can see that fear of attack gets worse when we have less information: if it's dark; if the place is unfamiliar; if we are alone.

However! We can do better than that!

Let's forget about the BlockbusterAttackMode way out. This approach says that the more prepared I am for attack, the less I will be affected by it. Look at these people, they learn a million-and-one-ways of defending themselves, nine-and-a-half exotic martial arts, carry six guns, a knife, and a flamethrower. And that's just for looking out of the window! Are they less afraid? No, and I think they are becoming a bit of a threat themselves actually. Yes, they did get more prepared, that's sort of taking a step, but they did not solve the problem.

The only problem was the original fear, fear created by the darkness we mentioned at the beginning. Then we were talking about a real darkness (the one under the bed, for example), but it's really the same thing if it is physical or a kind of mental darkness which comes from the unknown.

So given that we are afraid of something, we can see the following. First, we are creating more threats wherever we are unsure about something. We talked of a fear of attack but it can really be anything. There are plenty of uncertainties so there are plenty of fears to choose from!

Have you noticed that now? Whenever there is uncertainty, you turn it into a threat. Yes, I agree, the accident could happen now, your job could disappear this week, that heart attack you've been expecting could have happened five minutes ago. But does it make sense to be on panic alert all the time? OK, statistically there is probably a chance of these things happening. Probably each of them happened to somebody in the world yesterday. But you are not a supercomputer. The human mind is very powerful (or capable of being) but you are not helping matters by using that power to imagine how badly things could go wrong. Getting a scratch that goes septic and you die - chances are 2,987,453 to one. A chance. Yes, every second. Even twice a second! All the same...I don't want to upset your reasoning process, but it may not be your day for misfortune. Sorry, it must just be bad luck, I guess.

First of all, you are seeing your fears when you cannot see clearly. You can solve that by: recognising what you are afraid of, and trying to be objective (learning to see other sides of a situation, not just the one you are used to seeing). Low Grade Panic Alert is rather a vague state so it helps to identify what the perceived threat is. What are you afraid of? Write it down. Ok I think it is slightly less frightening already. Slightly is a good start. Then by learning to "see through other eyes" you can see where you went wrong before. Illusion is the product of isolation. "I'm afraid of..." is already wrong because it starts with "I". You think you are separate and you have your own problems. But you must be connected to someone else in some way. You have seen another person before, right? Right, so you are not really alone. Then who is this "I"? It is the fearing part. The part that does not fear is called "We" or "Us". Learn about it.

Finding ways to attack a problem will never solve it. Because you are afraid of attack, you are always attacking. Don't fight, invite! Your hostility makes hostility outside you. If you welcome the world and its chances of...failure or...success, then you are shining a bit of light on your fear and you will have more chance of seeing what is really there.

What is really there? A few naughty people doing naughty things. But not all the time. They want things the easy way and can't be bothered to put much effort in. And accidents do happen, but not to everbody and not every day, and when they do we have to stop and think how we got into that situation and maybe learn how to avoid it next time. Health problems do occur but not every minute. A system under stress has to release the stress somehow, and the results can seem unpleasant. But symptoms that come out are the product of something called health. If you are worried about your health then you must know why you are worried. Is it something you are doing wrong? If it is then you can change it. Your body is the only one you have and looking after it will help you a lot. Your life is your life and can change this world for the better. Our world is our world, too, though we are supposed to look after it rather than drain it of goodness. These are all good things. The bad things exist but they are not everywhere. They may not even be bad! They are probably just "things" until you decide they are going to be bad.

We should be afraid. There is a lot to be afraid of. But it is not meant to freeze us in our steps before we have started the race. We are not meant to stop climbing before the first peak has come into view. Fear is allied with caution, respect, care, and guides experiment. Each of those ensures the harvest comes in safe next year. They may mean the ship gets into port safe and sound. The eggs all get back from market in one piece. But where do the plans come from? What makes experiment? Total caution would have zero result. Now I have a message for you. You are not the victim of a dice game, neither coldly and without intent, nor maliciously twisting the threads of your fate. You are not the victim. You have the power to imagine danger for a very good reason - because of the power to imagine. Why do you have that power? To stop? To shut the shop and sink the ship, to shatter and fail and founder and grind to a halt? Or to see in your mind's eye what lies behind the hill, what lives on the other side of the world, what breathes where there is no air and swims without water?

What crawls in the morning, stands upright at noon, and crawls again at evening? The answer is man, from baby to adult to old age, but we should rather ask: What asks riddles? Who invents the impossible? The answer is the mind of man but what that really means is something we are still learning. Don't expect to read about it in the newspaper. With these things, it's better to try and find out for yourself. Believe me.

Now you are brave again!

You only got to be brave by admitting that fear exists. Well done. Now do more!

The Language of Music

It's hard to explain impossible things to you.

But the reason one person writes to another is that there is something he needs to tell that person, something which he thinks the other person doesn't know. The only problem is that when a fact is an unknown fact, it is hard to understand. In fact it may be impossible to understand - it will take a lot of problems and hard work to finally see what it was. Sometimes, indeed, you can't just tell someone the answer they need, because they won't understand without actually discovering the answer for themselves. That's why we have symbols like mazes and spirals. Labyrinths were popular in ancient art. Popularity comes when something resonates with many people, no matter what the intention behind it. In this case, the Labyrinth is a journey you must follow until it is solved - there is not normally a short way through.

The Labyrinth is a part of the ear, too.

When we hear music we can identify patterns. Without them, it would probably be noise. But as long as we can fit the sound to a pattern we feel there is some sense behind it. We keep creating possible patterns to fit to the stimulus, trying to find a match for one or more templates that we have stored, or creating a new one based on the incoming material. So although I said we try to find a fit, really we are creating the pattern that we hear. The sound is what it is, but the pattern is our own. Listen to noise and see how soon you start to hear words. They may not be there as such, but we are looking (listening) for them.

So we may find there is sense at the first hearing of a piece of music. That depends on what experience we have. Whatever the case, we will try and we will find something. But you might end up saying, no, I just couldn't make anything of it. Like the ladies in the Wigmore Hall who laughed at the 'wrong notes' in a Webern piece - which was written in 1899! I was there, you can believe me.

There are "dissonant" cases where the music is too different from the listener's internal templates and antagonism results. Of course, the dissonance is not necessarily a question of some dissonance in the music's harmonic idiom - I was referring to the dissonance between what they are hearing and what they might expect to make sense, or what they have heard before and got used to. But on the whole the music one hears is mostly more or less familiar - you tend to recognise it as music, and more particularly as "our music". Statistically we are more likely to hear music we already recognise, of course - because statistically we will stay in more or less the same place.

Recognition comes then, somewhat or a lot. You can tell there is a loud bit coming up because it starts getting louder. It started quiet so you know it will be quiet for a bit. Or after learning a bit more, you know that if it is quiet, it might stay quiet or might SUDDENLY get loud. You start to learn what the options might be. And if you know a bit about music you might here where the harmony is going. You might recognise the sort of "subject" the composer is thinking of. Of course there is not a subject, it is music not words, but there are associations and special patterns we notice. It might be something clear like the sound of a bird (the cuckoo in Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony) or something ambiguous like the sound of water or wind in a Schubert song. It might be a topic like "military" (Chopin Polonaise) or "exotic" (Debussy Pagodas) or "academic" (Handelian fugue in Mozart or Beethoven). Whatever it is, you learn, and then finally you understand. It can take repeated hearings to get there though - although most do not try after the first attempt. And sometimes there is no attempt! (What are the chances of success there I wonder?)

All of these insights come with practise and understanding. Some come with learning and knowledge.

They say that a child's mind is a clear mind. They say a child will see the obvious when everyone else convinces themselves otherwise or trips themselves up in tangles of thought and blind guesses. That's why there is the famous story of The Emperor's New Clothes. Maybe it's funny, I don't know. I'm sure no-one believes it could ever really happen. But that's the shock you get when you realise it's happening all the time. Look at what people are doing around you now. A little or a lot, helping or un-helping, but they are certainly taking a lot of different approaches to the maze of their life. Certainly the mazes are different, but can all the people be right? The child says: I thought you had to get to the centre. (Does that mean it is easier than it seemed?)

Yes, you try to hear some sense in the sound coming in. But we are in luck, because the person who created it all - the composer - put sense in at the beginning. So we are in with a fighting chance!

I am convinced that we can understand music purely by paying attention to what the composer has put in it. That's the approach I took when I wrote about Evryali, and it's how I try to understand music on a daily basis. The significance of this is that it doesn't matter how much you know before you get started. Knowledge came down to us because other people noticed things; that means we can notice them too. But it will take a long time if we try to understand the knowledge AS WELL as the music. That's two jobs, you see. Fortunately I have tried to understand the music, afflicted with only a slight knowledge of the technical processes involved. (That's not a joke, I really don't know much!). That's why I'm here today to tell you where to look.

The first time I noticed something important about music was in a Mozart symphony last year. It wasn't a good performance (maybe that's why I noticed it). The symphony was called "The Jupiter", but I don't think that matters because I don't like the "I know it all" approach to music: Ah, The Jupiter, yes, of course. Beethoven's second Razumovsky Quartet, yes. Opus 106, a masterpiece. It does annoy me rather, you see this is talking about music without mentioning the music. Perhaps it is not talking about the music? I know it's helpful to use labels so we can know what is being discussed, but these are the names on the filing cabinet. They are the names on the files. They are not the contents of the files. Inside are lovely golden sounds without names. Songs without words that sing in my heart.

I forget exactly what it was in that Mozart symphony. I think it was a movement in the harmony. I realised he was doing something really funny, moving somewhere no-one could have predicted. I wondered why no-one was laughing. I think it was because they were hearing "A Mozart symphony" - the one in their heads, perhaps. You don't need Sherlock Holmes to tell you that the best Mozart symphony comes from Mozart, not from us. By some twist of fate, that was actually what I was hearing. Yes, no incompetence on the part of the conductor or players prevented me from hearing what the composer had put into the music. It was all there, and it always is in any piece or performance.

Music is highly cultural, you know. There is a lot to learn about. But as it happens you don't particularly need to learn any of it. If you are responsible and care about the music and why it exists then I think it won't hurt to try learning a bit. But you have to listen first.

I listened, and I am now telling you this:

A master composer knows his job and tries to get better at it.

The best composers didn't stop when they had had enough, or when they thought they were good enough. They continued changing.

In these cases, the golden secret inside centre of the music was what led the creator - it was what they were trying to communicate! In the other cases, the composer got tired and his forms started writing themselves, though there could still be flashes of inspiration. It could never dry up completely (some music leads me to doubt this but it is true)

The secret was called ecstasy. Did the composer want to be a composer, or could he not stop being a composer? "Ecstasy" is a word that means being outside yourself. What is outside? Whatever we don't already know. Other people. Other places. Other ideas. Mistakes. Answers. Genius.

Whatever you think about music, I think we all have to agree there is some kind of vision involved in it. Someone wants to communicate something, and that is their vision. It can be predictable, clichéed, or previously impossible - a surprising thing of brilliance and power. With skill, the vision becomes clearer.

That vision is present in every part of the work, and through the opposition between the parts we can appreciate what it is. (The word for an arrangement of parts is composition)

You won't at first know what a piece of music is saying. It's important to remember that it isn't saying anything. As long as you can say it in words, you are not there. You can talk about it but you have to live it to see it.

With repeated slow careful exposure to music you can learn to feel what it really is. Your mind is not understanding it, your heart is not feeling it, but these senses may be involved.

Remember what I am telling you: it is real. Music is real. There is a real reason for it. It is not something in a book or on a CD, it is something outside you, coming in. Also remember that if you were lost in a labyrinth, you might forget your journey. The outside might seem dark and unfriendly. Think then of what it's like to find the way through the maze. Find the end, and you see you were the one who had gone outside. Really the music is inside. People who don't listen are stuck outside. When we hear it truly, we are all joined up again. Or starting to be.

Primo Levi was in a prison camp. Then he sent us a message through his books so that the world would change. James Clavell was in a prison camp. He did the same. He did a good thing too, because he loved the people who imprisoned him. That is how he was set free. Any others who still hated them were still prisoners, weren't they? And Ronald Searle was in the same camp. He had to carefully hide his drawings while he was there. He sent us messages too.

There is a well-known analogy that life is like a bird flying through a lighted hall. It is light for a moment, then it is dark again. That's silly, because although I can see what it means, I think they are looking at it from the wrong side. Think what the other birds are thinking. Wot is that bird doing stuck inside that dark hall when we are all out here?

I spoke of prisoners because when we are stuck or lost, what we need most is a way out. Sometimes it is all we can do just to survive. There isn't much sign of life outside the prison. But one day a message comes.

To understand the message is all we need to do.

It is not obvious. But it is there. If you can love it, then you are hearing it.

This is the language of music.

New Year's Message

Happy New Year~!

In many parts of the world people are vowing not to eat chocolate and things like that.

As you know, it's often quite soon that they start eating it again.

There may be other things people want to stop (or start) doing, some small, some complicated.

Whatever it may be, they can only do one thing at a time. You can do the same. If you want to change something, just try it one step at a time. Then when you have done the first thing on your list, you will know you have got somewhere. Then you can move on to the next thing.

It's good to have a day that stands for the end of the past and the beginning of the present. Not the future, because we are not all there yet. But living in the present is a good skill to learn! Not wishing about the past, not wishing now could be different. Just living it.

If you find you have started to eat chocolate again (or whatever it was), here is a tip for you. You do not have to wait another year to start again. Some cultures have their New Year on a different date, not necessarily January 1st. So remember that because here is a secret: you can start again any day you want to.

Now is a good time.

PP

I was going to talk about a street preacher here in London - his name is Philip Howard and he's from Liverpool!! But he's 52 so that's not me.

But then I would have to talk about religions and I might have to be critical of some of them.

And I don't like to complain!

So have a look at some footage of Pablo Picasso painting instead.

I have started thinking about Picasso lately. The first reason to think about something (for me) is when I don't understand it. Or when I don't like it. Though normally either of these two things would stop someone thinking about it. Funny, eh?

Well, look. Once I didn't like pizza at all. But I tried and I can eat it now. And Rachmaninoff - I once had no idea what was going on there, but I was patient and now I think it's interesting. Now, perhaps Rachmaninoff is more important than pizza, and I can't say how important that is. Perhaps neither is particularly important, I'm not saying at this stage. But what is important is to give myself a chance. Because I took an interest, I have added two things to my "like" list. I think it's better that way. The more things the better, because one day I might find something that really is important. Yes, a key fact! Something useful! But as long as I exclude things from my "possibles" list, I might miss it.

I still don't know about Picasso but I know he was good at drawing, that you can see enormous technical facility and poise in the way he paints (in the film above), and that he was prolific - he painted 13,500 pictures in his life! And made 300 sculptures and many more works!

Most prolific composers managed about 1,000 works each. That was really a lot, too. So these are interesting statistics to compare. I wonder what it means?

So I will continue to "include" Pablo Picasso until I know what he is up to. Please do the same! Include things!

Thanks!

(PS the film seems to be a commerial for Apple - I don't think Picasso made it for them though!)

Believe It!

Instead of looking around desperately trying to think of something to take a picture of, I have lately been working on calming down and believing that I will find a picture if there is one to be had.

I was a bit disheartened because all I had were a few over-exposed squirrels not doing anything, so I sat under a tree to eat my bagel (bagel, smoked salmon, lemon juice, cracked black pepper, you can put butter on the bread or use olive oil). Then after that I looked up and what should I see? Exactly, it was something I thought looked interesting. It was the scene you can see above.

And you know another thing? I'm telling you (and myself) that we should all have faith that the right opportunities will come our way when we need them to. Seeing my picture was evidence of that. But the next thing I saw, it had got a bit darker, and there was the moon! A crescent moon right in front of me. I hadn't even moved my position.

You can see the moon more easily in a large size version of the picture. It's on the left, near the church. Of course, to the naked eye it appeared much bigger, because the eye is sort of the best camera ever and focuses and zooms without us realising it.

I hope you can see there is a lesson to learn from this, wherever and whenever you wish to apply it. Right?

Self

Can a bee think about itself?

No because it is not a bee, it is bees. It is part of the hive. And a lost bee is nobody. That's why they stick together. Yes, they are sticky, and not just because of honey!

In other animals you can find that individuals are more capable of acting on their own. There can be safety in numbers. A wolf doesn't attack the whole herd, it looks for the weak ones who could become separated from the others.

Then again, herding is not always good. There is a thing called panic. When animals flee for their lives, you can't ask one to stop and give you its opinion on the current fleeing (just for the cameras). This is not called panic, it is called survival. However something similar can happen to animals that normally have a high degree of self-awareness and rationality. Such as humans. Sometimes a panic can start and spread to many people. When it does, it is not very pretty. The way it spreads may be related to herding instinct.

Today we don't live as we did. We live in ones, twos, threes, or fours. You can find more, but this is the general situation, particularly in the West. And let's be honest, a herd of four is not much good against wolves. Let's just say, five could be better.

Now think of the wolf. He has to eat. It is hard for him - probably harder than for the big herd. And think of the herd. A herd of sick animals is not much use to anybody, so what the wolf does is promoting a healthy system - the predator and the prey are antagonistic but add up to make a whole that keeps going.

Of course we don't like it if people get eaten. On the whole, they don't. We have better technology than the predators, and they keep away.

So what's the problem? The problem is that we are not working as a team. You can see this from the news. You can see it everywhere, especially in a city. How many cars driving with a single occupant? How many people trying to make money for themselves? How many arguing or cursing each other at the slightest provocation? How many cursing each other under their breath automatically just for being the wrong sort of person? And then sometimes people don't like themselves either. Can you imagine?

But still it is possible to see good behaviour. A lot of people look out for each other. In an accident people will want to help, just as some will want to get away to safety, and a few might think to take advantage os the situation and pick a pocket or two. Or worse. On the whole we know that humans want to help. That's why we have the word "humanity". Yet we also know that it is possible for the humanity to disappear.

It's a mixed bag of opportunities. But we can see that the best case is the one where we retain a feeling of being part of a wider whole (herding) yet do not surrender our self-control in the event of panics or rumours. You see, the bee has strength because she is part of the hive. But a weak bee weakens the hive. To humans, that's the value of individuality or the idea of self. Strong parts make a strong whole. But we have to consider what would be the best case for each part. Too much concentration on self and the "hive" is compromised as people start to fight for themselves. No self-will and there is no "herd" to make any progress - there is anarchy.

No, it is true, it's good to develop your ability to be part of the team. If you can identify with others then you will have more of a sense of identity, not identity as an individual but as part of a bigger family. And you will find that this is helpful to everyone. If you throw a rock at someone and every time it hits you in the back - you might stop throwing rocks. And every time you made something nice happen for someone else, something nice happens for you? Yes, that might encourage you too. Every person who identifies with someone else and does something positive for them is giving that person a little bit of freedom and power to help others as well. In a hostile environment people get hostile. But when we see no weapons the humanity starts to come back.

The idea of identification appears in many religions and spiritual systems. You can find out about that, but today it is not important. Today we just need to know that thinking of things and people outside yourself can start the ball rolling for them and benefit all of us.

The word for that is "love" and the problem is that people think they know what it means but have forgotten that they used just to do it without thinking about it. Now love means something from a TV soap opera - I love you so marry me or I'll burn your house down etc etc. It's not real love, is it. It's just self-interest.

But what is self? It is something between each little bee and each little hive on the way to all the bees together and the honey too. The little parts were made to love each other and work together. Can that be why honey is so sweet?

So now you know what self means. It means we can be less selfish and start lookng after ourselves. Speaking for myself, I think we will agree!

Be good to yourself, my dears.

Chimp Champs Chomp Chumps?

Bonobos are interesting. They are a type of Chimpanzee - the type that has the most DNA in common with humans (98% is the quoted figure).

They know who they are if they see themselves in a mirror. That is called self-awareness, and we have it, though we don't make much use of it on the whole.

There is (or was) some debate about classification. Are Bonobos so close to us that they should move from Pan paniscus to Homo paniscus, Homo sylvestris, or Homo arboreus - or the humans should re-classify from Homo sapiens to Pan sapiens?

Anyway, the bonobos are not aggressive like the other chimpanzees. Unlike them, bonobos don't do murders or conduct wars - they hardly even eat meat! I always wondered how we evolved - was it through genocide? Did we have to be aggressive to "win"? Or perhaps it was our technology that got us going (the technology, the gift, of self-awareness -and thought and planning)

I wonder if humans really are close to the bonobo. Are we peaceful or aggressive? I know we can be both, and it would be a typical kind of response to bemoan the level and quality of human behaviour as it echoes that of the common chimp. But, well, all those wars that humans have, they are in the newspapers and so on, aren't they? What about you though? Do you do wars? Only sometimes, that's right. Well then. When you are not fighting, you might be more like the bonobo. Maybe humans are more interesting than we thought?

Distractions

People sometimes ask, after reading something like my last post, what they can do about some or all of the great and terrible events in the world. Well I answered that once, and it seems that my answer is similar now. You can't do anything. Unless you can.

You can do what you can do. But you probably don't believe you can do very much so that is one obstacle. Things are not as bad as all that though. There are certainly some things you are good at now (some people think they are good at nothing, others think they are superior in everything - it is probable that both types are wrong) so you know you can do those things. Hopefully at least some of them are things that can help other people so you are on the way already.

Do you know, there might actually be something useful you can do to help. But probably we aren't sure what that is at this stage. You may have your suspicions (a hidden talent, a forgotten wish?) or may think you are not cut out for great things. You don't have to get your name in the papers to do great things, though. Could be you are great already. (I am telling the truth here - the biggest step is believing me)

Some people get their name in the papers a lot. They are famous and talked-about. We give them responsibility for good and evil things that we also read about in the papers. But have you noticed that the papers don't make a lot of sense? They are ENTIRELY speculative because they are of the moment. But we take the speculation as fact, and fail to notice that it changes the next day. Apparently it is correct to believe statements that have been put into print; less reliable to trust someone's word. (Unless they are famous)

It MIGHT be useful to read about events. Possibly. If you remember that what you're reading always has a particular viewpoint. But reading doesn't mean you are acting. That might seem obvious. But it is easy to imagine that reading today's opinion makes one well-informed and therefore makes one feel one has done one's bit to "set the world to rights". Is it true though?

It takes a while to read the paper. It takes some time to talk about what was in the paper. It takes a lot of energy to carry the beliefs that came from the paper. Let's just accept that not everything is right in the world (yet), that we can't fully know what's going on (probably), that we probably can't change the large-scale happenings, that you can control how you affect yourself and other people, that you can decide to make creative things happen and not destructive ones, that you can be the best person that you already were (under the surface), and not GET DISTRACTED BY CURRENT AFFAIRS!

The most important current affairs are your own current affairs. "Jane Smith orders air strike against husband". "Man declares war on that cat next door". "Twins sign new peace accord".

You are making your own headlines. The difference is, you can change everything about your own news.

A Lot On Your Mind

Some people have a lot to think about. They have problems.

One person writes from Germany that her friends and some of her family are stuck in Lebanon, with no access to the outside. The only things coming in are missiles. She says her friend has put up a blog - you can see it here. I don't know if it helps, but it is there, so you can see what it is. (I didn't like it the first time but it made more sense when I looked again.)

That sort of anxiety, the kind that comes from having bits of your city explode all night, is a higher level than most of us are used to. Fear of imminent and unpredictable death is very exacting. I cannot deny that they have a lot on their minds.

Coincidentally, another person writes from Germany to say that she has problems. The future is uncertain, and she can't sleep at night. She has a lot on her mind. But at least she is not in a war situation.

People need help but what help can we give?

And you cannot help them because you too have a lot on your mind.

---

When someone says they are afraid because the future is uncertain, that seems OK to me. I mean the second part is OK: that the future is uncertain. I agree, it is.

What you see coming towards you out of the shadows is unknown. That is more or less given. But to be afraid of this, while understandable, is...not helpful. I am glad that the future is not a given, because that way it can throw anything at me that it wants to. If I could control it totally it would not be as interesting. Even my imagination is not enough for that.

There is uncertainty, but of that one thing at least we can be certain. It isn't a joke! It just shows you that you have nothing to worry about - you KNOW that something surprising is going to happen, sometime. And once you get your life under control you can start to plan things, so it is not a total gamble.

There is still a risk, though! But chance enough that you might win.

----

And in Java they have problems too. Also see my list.

----

So, as you can see, many people need help. In many different ways.

But I think you can see that your problems are not as bad as you thought.

Except they sort of are, because if there is a big problem somewhere in the world then it is our problem. Yet, problems are not as bad as you think. If there were never any problem then nothing would ever improve. Do you see?

The future is never certain, even when we have reached it. That is worth remembering too.

The past? We forgot it. If we remember it, we may have got it wrong but not know.

We only have now. It's a good now. I wonder where it will go next?

Teaching and Learning

People often ask me, "So what are you doing now, teaching?", and the answer is always no. I never have done any teaching. It seemed to me that many college-leavers who teach do it because they have to do something to make money and not particularly because they have a calling to be teachers. Of course, I think it's fine to do a bit of teaching to see what it's like, if you haven't thought about it. It's difficult! Also, people who want to become teachers will have to learn how to teach, and I suppose a good way to do that is to start practising.

But the idea of teaching instead of doing what you really want to do is not very appealing to me. Or you, I hope!

So, who is a teacher? Someone who can help.

Someone who can help a bit is a bit of a teacher. Someone who can help a lot is a better teacher. Someone who can guide you and help you find your way home is truly a teacher. I said find your way home because I feel that while learning is partly about gathering new techniques and bits of information (like a jigsaw puzzle), the important part of learning is finding out how to be really creative in the way that only you can be. All of that was always in you, as a potential, and somehow you have to find it. When you find it, it is not something new. It is you, the real you. (After that, perhaps you can make something new...)

Anyway, that is your genius. A real teacher knows that you have it, even though you may doubt this, and may even laugh if you hear about it.

He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him.

He who knows not, and knows that he knows not is simple. Teach him.

He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep. Wake him.

He who knows, and knows that he knows is wise. Follow him.

(Persian proverb, translated by Richard Francis Burton)

My Dream Has Come True

All week I have been reading the weather forecast. In the temperature column I was watching the number "24" (Centigrade)...to see if it would, as usual, turn into "4" when the day arrived (or "-4"!).

Before I went to sleep last night, I had only one wish. It was a simple wish. Please let it be sunny tomorrow - was my wish. Yes, readers, that was the only thing I wanted in my whole life, as of last night! Maybe it is a sign that I have become simple-minded. Shouldn't I have been wishing for a million pounds? A fast car? A swimming pool?

So - my dream came true! And, even better than that, I have just checked the weather page and it says it is TWENTY-FIVE DEGREES! So I got at least one degree more than I was offered!

So now everything has come true, what do I ask for from life? What do you give the man who has everytthing? I don't know, I'm quite happy!

Right, now I'm going back outside. See you out there!

Wild Flowers

Don't say I never send you flowers!

Inspiring

Over the years, lots of people have stolen ideas from me! I don't mind; it is probably not really stealing, exactly, anyway.

I once had a special idea in a piece. It was only about another week before someone else had suddenly had the same idea. Then they later passed on this interest to a friend and soon there was a whole 'school' based on my idea!

I don't regard it as my idea, though. I don't own ideas. Even if I am the first to do something, I don't feel like I create anything. It just comes to me. I have to find it, I am the fisherman. I have to focus it. But that is just my brain working. But the brain is quite a limited wrinkly little organ without the magic special ingredient called...inspiration!

Inspiration is often spoken of, rather lightly or jokingly I feel. An estate agent told me I would appreciate living near the park because it would inspire me to create music. I found that a little bit far-fetched, since it came from an estate agent - someone whose main job is to take my money as quickly as he can, not to advise me on matters of the soul.

But it seems he was right after all. Today I went in the park to find out what kind of piano piece I am writing (for Michael Finnissy's sixtieth birthday) and it was very good to be somewhere more natural to do it. I'm sure there is a special reason for that. Anyway, it helped me to get my idea.

There have been other ideas before. Some of those, people "borrowed"! Sometimes it was a theft, sometimes an influence, sometimes a tribute. Really it is fine.

I suppose I should not be too harsh about this. I was inspired by certain things once - or shall we say, I admired them, and then copied them a little bit for a while, until one day I didn't need to copy anything any more. Maybe it is the same thing at work when I find something a little...familiar...about someone else's work. I suppose that is true. Why they picked me I do not know!

The thing is, if somebody genuinely stole something I came up with, it would be a little bit annoying, but it would not be a hopeless situation. Because I can get another idea. I know where to find inspiration - though I could still forget how, I suppose - and I can go there to find something else useful. But it might seem easier for someone to just borrow what is already existing. It probably is! But it shows a lack of confidence in themselves. Also it is a little bit mean or ungenerous. They are trying to get the maximum result for the minimum effort. If they believed in themselves more, they could contribute a lot! But I suppose they think they have to "fight their own corner", form their own style, make their own money, etc etc.

Well, I could say to them - hey! It's not your money, ideas, style, etc. It is OURS! We should be sharing it! If we like your idea though, we will be nice to you! So you don't have to worry that there will be no reward!

The word "inspiration" comes from Latin. It means to breathe in. I'm not sure why; I didn't invent the word. But it could be worth finding out what it means.

I guess some people already know there is no such thing.

But you and me, we know something different, don't we? My little friends!

Weather, oh!

I have been checking the weather forecast for a few weeks.

Always it says that in two or three days the temperature will go up higher by a few degrees.

Then when the day arrives, nothing has changed - in two or three days the temperature will go up higher by a few degrees! Oh, why do they torture me so?

But, as you know, the weather is not predictable over longer than two or three days on the whole.

Seemingly the weather forecast is entirely predictable!

Rain is good but I do prefer the sunshine. Which I am unlikely to see in London very often!

Where else should I go? Any suggestions? You could form a Philip Howard Escape Committee. Those who want me further away, send in the name of a suitable place. Those who want me nearer, write in with the name of the place where you live.

I wonder where I would end up like that? Anyway, I know you are too polite to make suggestions like that. You will just have to wait and see.

Now, which way is the sun going? I should follow that.

I heard that Alexander the Great went to see the Greek philosopher Diogenes. Diogenes lived in a barrel and was lying down next to it when Alexander came. He said to Diogenes,"I am ruler of half the world. Whatever you ask of me, it shall be done. Now what do you wish?" and Diogenes said please could you move a bit to the right, you're blocking my sun...

You know, a barrel rolls. It must be a good way of following the sun. I wonder if that's a possibility?

What did the barrel have in it before Diogenes? Wine? Fish? Heraclitus? It makes all the difference to the internal ambience.

But I guess the sun is always the same, eh? When you can see it.

Thievery

I've been reading about Stradivarius violins.

They are famous for their sound, but I suppose they are more famous for their value. Of course they have a musical value as great instruments, but because of this they also have a monetary value.

There are up to about 700 Strads around in the world today.

First I read about one of the instruments David Oistrakh (1908-1974) played. He had others but this one is referred to as the "Oistrakh". It was made in 1671.

What did I read next? "Stolen in 1996 and still missing".

Yes, it was stolen and has not come to light.

Read on.

Le Maurien (1714) - stolen in 2002, still missing
Lipinski (1715) - missing since 1962
Colossus (1716) - stolen in 1998, still missing
Davidov-Morini (1727) - stolen in 1995, still missing
Herkules (1732) - this belonged to Ysaÿe, was stolen in 1908 and is still missing
The Ames (1734) and Lamoureux (1735) are still missing

Some thieves know how to steal but do not know how to look after what they steal. Sometimes things go wrong. Other types of accidents can happen too.

Can you believe that very valuable objects can be sold to private collectors, regardless of where they came from, and can be kept hidden?

That's another possibility.

I'm sorry to say that all kinds of things go on in the world, and some of them are not nice.

I'm not just talking about "owners" of stolen property. There are other kinds of illegal hobbies, I would imagine.

There are people alive today who are not nice people. We do not know them, I'm glad to say.

Some people are selfish. And some people are very selfish indeed.

How silly to take things for yourself. Does a fish try to keep its own private water, does an eagle breathe only its own private air? No, they are each free to travel where they can. They share it with many others.

Everything we have on this earth is for us. Not mine, not yours. We can't keep it, we can't just do what we like with it, we don't own it, we have to take care of it all. But it is for us. All of us! Together.

So when you take something and hide it for yourself, you are taking it from...yourself.

It was yours anyway! But you took it and concealed it. And then you couldn't share it with anyone, and that was no fun.

A bit sad.

But we don't have to be sad if we share!

You see? The violins can come out of their cupboards, and be heard. And then we can all hear them, and they will be ours again. Because a human made them. A human just like us. He made them from wood, which was living just like we are now. All part of our world, all knitted together like old clothes. Our world.

Not "me" and "them".

We, us!

So long?

Look at this - ten days since the last information on this page!

Anyone would think there was some kind of a problem!

But there isn't.

I have been rather busy, though.

My dear nice little friends, it is painful to be away from you for so long. I wish I could write every day. When I do, you will know I am quite healthy. Because creative output shows that all is well. We can be even happier when my work-list of compositions needs scientists from NASA to catalogue it. Oh yes, and when I have 11 children (didn't Bach do that too?)

Are you being creative today? It doesn't have to be an oil painting. But you can do something. Create, not destroy - mend or fix something! Give to someone! Give something they really like, would be even better!

More soon - in the blink of an eye. Hopefully the blink won't be too long!

Crayon Carry-ons

Wax crayons are very popular. People like children to use them because they don't have sharp points, so you cannot cause injuries with them. This seems quite a reliable principle to go by. However. There is one documented instance of crayon-induced harm that I know of. As a child, Homer...


...Simpson, fond of putting crayons in his ears and nose,


got one stuck. Not realising this, over time the crayon found its way into his brain. Detected by X-ray photograph,


it was removed surgically. The surgery effected a radical change in Simpson's brain-power.



The new Homer, unhappy with the responsibility of free thought, started to yearn for the old days when all he had to think about was where his next beer was coming from. His daughter Lisa's fears were realised when she noticed her powder blue crayon was missing...So perhaps crayons also bring tragedy, of a kind. But let's hope there is a lesson we can all learn from the story of Homer Simpson.

Remembering at all times to keep crayons clear of the orifices of the head, let us look at the evolution of the wax crayon colour rainbow. In the beginning, there were only eight colours. This was in 1903 when Binney Smith & Co. first started manufacturing the Crayola crayon. The colours were black, blue, brown, green, orange, red, violet and yellow. Quite good choices! No controversy so far.

In 1949 another 40 colours were added. Lemon Yellow, Burnt Sienna, Periwinkle, Thistle - more exciting names. One of them was changed in 1958 - "Prussian Blue" was thought to have no meaning at that date, since it was decided children no longer knew of the deep blue colour of the Prussian army uniform. OK, I understand I suppose. It turned into "Midnight Blue".

Some of the names were a bit too exciting. Oh dear, what's this one - Flesh? Well, it was a pinky colour. Except not all flesh is that colour, is it? So they changed the name to Peach. That was the Peach that we used at my school. It was the one that always ran out the fastest. We were always drawing people, of course, and seemingly the people all had Peach-coloured flesh - yes, flesh was "Flesh" at that time. Not surprisingly, because I never saw any other colour skin for many years. One of the dinner ladies was Italian, and I thought she looked a bit strange! Where did I go to school, you may ask? Nazi Germany? No, it was an ordinary English school. So we thought. Anyway, I have seen lots of different skin types now. And I'm not sure I would use Peach for any of them - though it does come in handy as a base, if blended (I'm really talking about coloured pencils here; I haven't used wax crayons recently).

So goodbye Flesh. 16 further colours were added in 1958, among them Indian Red. The name referred to a famous type of pigment used in paint. But I suppose people were a bit nervous. They thought about the Native American (name for the people who lived in America before the Americans lived there) and remembered they were called "Red Indians". That's what we called them too, once - and yes, I learned all about them at my school. But they weren't Indian, and they weren't Red any more than I am Peach or Marcus Aurelius Garvey was Black.

Nervous people thought Indian Red could be seen as Red Indian, so it became Chestnut in 1999.

The strange thing is that in 1998, when the latest addition to the Crayola rainbow brought the total number of colours to 120, one of them was called Fuzzy-Wuzzy Brown. Hmm. "Fuzzy-Wuzzy" is a racist term for a person of African genetic origin. A Brown person, one might say (or "black", I suppose, though I already exempted M. Garvey from being painted with that exact colour. I would like to say that I don't find anybody to be quite black. Some people come close-ish - a very nice colour of skin I think! Other colours are nice too, of course. Please can't we just say everyone is human-coloured?)

So there was a crayon called Fuzzy-Wuzzy Brown. There still is, as far as I know. It didn't get changed. But Indian Red did. How odd, to me. To you?

Please note that I have refrained from giving examples of possible other upsetting names that crayon companies may wish to mysteriously overlook. There is no "good taste" control on my humour when I'm being harsh, and I'm not trying to offend people today. Please imagine your own. In fact, don't imagine them. You don't need any practise thinking like that. We've had enough racism now. We've all seen enough of it. Come on, think of some nice names instead. And if there is a skin colour you don't like, think harder. Give it the most beautiful name you can, please.

Thank you.