Roses

Today was the third of November but I smelled roses!

Even in Autumn there are roses in London - I saw some in the Regents Park. I continued walking and looked at the names of the roses. There are various names of different kinds, some named after persons, some fanciful, some to be expected. One was called Jean Merrill. It made me wonder if there is a rose named after John Merrick. Because I was thinking some people need their own flower more than others. It's all very well to say "My xxxxx, she was as beautiful as a rose so I named this variety after her", but what about people who don't remind you of roses? Don't they have more of a need to become beautiful in our eyes?

I didn't know John Merrick so I don't know if he was beautiful on the inside, but I can say that I find nothing ugly about his external appearance. Just being different, that doesn't make anyone ugly. Ugliness, to me, is something somehow against nature or life, something that seems to say no to being in love with being alive. So when I (very occasionally) see some famous modern film actor on the front of a magazine, I just see a mask and many painful hours and dollars of work trying to make the mask less like that person's original face. And though they are supposed to look good I find it quite horrible-looking, I'm afraid.

The feeling that something is wrong with you, on the inside or on the outside, leads to masks. Different kinds, but the purpose is to hide the true inside to conform to what we think is required of us. Of course, surgical procedures are a very extreme (though in many ways very easy) way of changing the outside - that's one way of enhancing a mask, but here I really mean masks in the sense of a kind of personality disguise, a way of being like someone else so as to fit in better.

People change their manner in several ways. There are comedy people, people who solve their feeling of awkwardness by being comic. They are a human joke. But they are not a joke, they are serious people who have a lot more to give than awkwardness. Look at people's behaviour. Are they playing a role but they have forgotten they are acting? Very serious, bookworm, always has an academic point to make, hides in his books, that's another one. Always coming to the rescue, has to be strong for everyone...because he secretly believes he is weak - another, but doesn't need to act strong, because real strength is surely there under the surface. And it's a deeper strength. Also there are other types of shell personality. But what are they hiding?

What is the real personality? What would our true character be like if we hadn't altered it?

Look at someone before they change - look at a child. I know you remember how to be like that anyway. Perhaps you remember what you used to do and how you used to be. Well, the point is not to go back, but to remember when you were calm and yourself and try to touch it from where you are now. It may be impossible, but in some senses it is actually not very difficult, since it is the only natural way to be - everything else is just too painful in the end.

What will people think? They will think you are a little bit peculiar. But compared to them, you will be. So laugh if you feel like it. Sing or dance if you want. Have a change of clothes. Give something nice to someone nice. Help people. Play.

That's why I like it that we say "playing music"! I'm playing all the time, me, I am!

Then when we are like ourselves again, we won't need our name on a rose. No need to add beauty when we are all so beautiful. We will be the ones giving roses to those who need them. People who don't know yet how they really look, inside and outside. People who have not bloomed, or cannot see the colour of their own flower.

Back in the park, I continued going around and remembering all the things I had done there when I came to each place, a fountain, a bench, a tree. And the memories of my people who had been there with me could be seen so clearly. They all had beautiful petals and a lovely scent like the first and last flowers on earth. But not one of them really knew what I could see, then or now. It was so much clearer now to me.

The smell of roses was so rare in Autumn that it stopped me in my tracks and made me go back to taste them again.

I couldn't go back to see my human flowers because they had all gone away, except for the trace that remains.

Actually there were not very many to remember. The number is a very small number.

But there was no-one there now.

Except lunatics coming towards me offering me magazines about God, oh dear! Stop distracting me! Just when I was getting on nicely with nature.

Magazines! About God! Honestly. If there are any gods nearby I would prefer to deal direct rather than looking at illustrations.

Until next time, practise believing me if I say you are beautiful! I cannot prove that I am right, but I can promise that I am telling the truth. PS I am right!

Lots of love!

Recognition

Suddenly everybody remembers who I am! Today all kinds of important people were shouting out "Philip!", "Hey, Phil!", "Great to see you!"

That's fine but a month ago no-one remembered me! Is it that with the coming of the first of November everyone comes out of suspended animation?

Or do they want something?

If they want me to give a concert, that's fine! I wonder if it could be that...

In other news, thanks to people who send in music that they hope I will play. I do not give out a message like the Pope, saying "Philip Howard thanks you for your music, however he looks after piano music as a whole and therefore cannot concern himself with individual cases. Thank you for your interest in Philip Howard's work."

What I do generally say is that I cannot play music that I do not have - so at least if you have sent something there is a slight chance of me playing it. But there is so much to play and my standards keep rising so music needs more and more practice! And I can only play what I could do convincingly. Don't let it stop you, though. Some people get performed by me, e.g. Bartók, Chopin...

See you soon!

New

Once they believed that the day started in darkness.

Everything began at its first beginning, not at its first appearance.

Seeds curled around stones and soil and fought their way to the surface, but life began when the first shoot shot up in the darkness.

Men and women began their life in darkness, and though they appeared nine months later, there was life there already.

So even when all is cold and hard and dead, it is not the end. It is the unseen sign of hidden life beginning.

You have nothing to be afraid of when death comes. It came before and will come again - it is part of life, the only part we can be sure about. It seems to us over here that all goes dark and ends but it is the same silent, secret beginning.

This time of year is the most difficult for us to cling to life. The sun grows weaker and low in the sky. Days grow short and cold. Food is harder to find. We see death more closely.

For each life, there will be one death. Not yet though. At the right time, when everything has been said and done and the children are put to bed and the ploughs are back in their sheds and all rosy-cheeked friends have got good use out of their ice-skates and come home to warmth again. The fruit was picked in the summer and it is still being enjoyed though now it is wrinkly and doesn't move as easy as it once did. But the seeds are there for next year. And that is the only good time to leave this place.

So when you look out tonight you will see the beginning of something. The end of summer, yes, but the start of the new year. Say goodbye to your mistakes. They are gone now. All you have with you are the smiles you smiled and saw on other faces near to you. All the happiness comes with you to next year.

Why do skulls always grin at you? Do you know what he's saying? What's the big joke, Death? Well, he says...You know what? You're next!

That is the meaning of Hallowe'en, the Old New Year which was borrowed by the church and called All Hallows' Eve and All Saints' Day. But once there was no Eve and Day, it was all one day because the day began when the sun went down, just as the year begins when days start to get dark.

We knew things then.

If it seems like a hopeless gap between then and now, think again about the bridge between here and there. Is that time lost and dead? Only as much as our own people who died are lost. Think of them now. Say sorry and help them rest. They are still in your heart and you are in theirs. It may be cold in winter but there are good fires and candlelight and warm hearts to look into.

With love.

Heavens above

Wow, I think I have found another pianist I like. His name is Liberace, have you heard of him??

Actually, as a pianist he seems to play fairly well. It sounds like he practised quite a few hours sometimes. Perhaps his repertoire was not very demanding though. But it's not bad. To me, it is amazing just to hear someone who can get up and down the piano as easily as throwing a rubber duck in the bath, particularly these days. PS It may have been a rubber duck but there were probably diamonds on it too.

It was Paderewski who advised Liberace to use just his last name for the stage. And Paderewski may have been quite right about that, of course. Paderewski got so very very famous, it would be unbelievable to see it now. I guess he knew a thing or two about publicity.

It is a rather dubious practice to put your own importance above that of the music. On the other hand, one must admit that Liberace was in no way mediocre. He certainly did what he wanted - and that is his biggest 'plus' in my eyes.

From a musical point of view, the pieces are mostly quite far-fetched, but if that is a fault then why is the world suddenly a more vivid place when it is lit up by his exuberance and star-shining theatrical fantasy? If you have a listen, you may feel it is much much too vivid, vivid enough to make you ill, but so what. You felt something for a moment, didn't you. There was no grey anymore.

Wladziu Salvatore Liberace that was, look down on us with kindness. Put your hand on our shoulders when we feel bad, like you felt bad yourself. Let your jewels shine like sunlight into our hearts. And here where everyone we see lives as nobodies, call us forward to stand out and step into the spotlight. Let us live as men and women at last, burning bright, sparkling, shining and unforgettable.