Language Tips - Number One

I am here to help - if I can!

I don't know what help you would like, so I have decided to supply you, all the same, with my Language Tip Number One. This is about Norwegian. Why, you ask, would I need to know this language when, as we are constantly reminded, the Norwegians speak English better than the English? Well, you know, outside of English-speaking countries the language situation is often alarming (for native English-speakers). Why so? Because there is a language situation! The only 'situation' we have here in England is that we see foreign languages as unneccessary complications. The poor foreigners, we think, only speak other languages due to misfortunes of location and economics, and probably mainly because of a lack of intelligence. Imagine! The poor dears. (Anyway, put some more blackamoors on the fire and whip the servants). This attitude (which - note to people who don't know the word 'irony' - I am possibly exaggerating for illustrative effect) seems a relic of the old British Empire. Well, we don't own any of the people in other countries anymore, so I think it's time to start finding out about them.

Step One: learn Norwegian (if you want)! OK, what is it then? It's the language they speak in Norway (though not the only one). Norway is in Scandinavia, in Northern Europe. On the map you will find it higher than the Netherlands, above Denmark, to the left of Sweden, and also at the top it touches Russia and Finland. More or less. The top of Norway is above the Arctic Circle so sometimes the sun never sets there. You may remember Norway from such cultural assumptions as 'Vikings, The' and 'Second World War, The, Traitorous Pro-Nazi Behaviour During". But, more than this, it is a real place full of real people. I went there for a concert in October 2003, and I did manage to get a brief glimpse of it, also of some blurry Norwegians (it was a quick glimpse). Actually, it is one of my favourite places. The trees were all turning to Autumn and I played my recital in front of huge windows overlooking a fjord - this was at the Henie-Onstad Kunstsenter, Oslo. There were pine-nuts in the fish soup, my page-turner was wearing multiple layers of warm clothing that could be removed or added to as the weather demanded (just as it said he would be in the guide book), everything was beautiful, and I remember it happily.

Did you read Tristram Shandy? He never gets anywhere with the story of his life. I hate to miss out details myself! Shall I change the blog title to "Language Tip Number One (2005-2012)"? No, don't worry, we'll get there somehow. But not until tomorrow!

Popularity

Sometimes things are important. They are so important that I want everyone to understand them. But I have realised that many, or even most people aren't interested. They are preoccupied. They have their own problems that keep them busy. But if these things really are important then someone will be listening somewhere, and I suppose it only has to be one person for communication to be successful.

I can't change the tone of my music, because I don't decide that. My composing doesn't happen according to what I like or what I feel like writing; it flows according to some other rules that I don't control. In my concerts, I can't change my interpretations to make me more popular, because then I would be focusing on myself rather than the music. A musician who isn't interested in the music isn't a very useful thing. I suppose that when I write in words, that is the time I can most change my focus. I can cut out things that alienate like too many syllables. But I still can't really cut out the ideas.

I guess people must be learning their own things in all kinds of different ways. All I can do is try to get my ideas to the right people. I am confident that they are positive ideas. If I am right about that then they will be needed somewhere. Still, are people's needs that different? I think we are probably faced with much the same set of problems, if you think about it. The question would be when do we start to think about those?

A Very Special Tone

Lots of South-East Asian languages are tonal. That means that changing the pitch of a word changes its meaning. So, like you might say "dog..." or "dog!" or "dog?", when the pitch changes, the meaning changes. But in the "dog" example the pitch changes didn't change the fact that it was a dog, they just changed what we were suggesting about the dog. In a tonal language like Cantonese or Thai, if you change the pitch it is as radical a change as "dog"/"frog"/"flog"/"blog".

Tones go up and tones go down. They also hang around and stay on one level. You might find five or six in a given language. That could mean say three relative pitches (high, medium, low) and tones that rise or fall between them.

But my all-time favourite feature of all languages I have had contact with is a very special tone indeed. I first heard about it in the Vietnamese language. Apparently it also exists in Danish, Latvian and Burmese (I think there may be others, perhaps some African languages - please do mention it in a comment if you know of more). This special tone is the creaky, broken, or strangulated tone. This broken tone is produced by closing your throat up, just like someone's strangling you. I love it! I'm always very pleased to hear about variety and unusual things I wasn't expecting, so that's why I'm so pleased with this creaky tone. I must say, I find it very evocative too...though of what, I will leave for another day.

The First Post - And I've Done It Already

Literally speaking, this is the first post in this blog. It is even called The First Post - two sentences in and already you can see I am a man of my word! We understand each other, eh?

"What's that? The first post? Hmm...", my bonsai-model brain thinks to me,"Isn't 'The Last Post' already a phrase in common use? Wouldn't it make me look awfully clever to make a...I think the word I'm looking for is 'pun', no? Yes, one of those 'puns' would be perfect. That will show everyone what I am made of". Sadly, it shows exactly what you are made of, oh tiny little mind.

One of the great curses of any language is exactly that: the tiny little mind that operates it. We have this miraculous, unfathomable, incredible gift of communication. What impulse is it that drives us to express the miracle of our being through the time-honoured principles and codes of sub-sub-basement, flatline, powerout, autopilot, void and vacuous...local journalism?

I said it. Local journalism! That's real evidence of a communications curse. If you have ever read a local newspaper then I hope you realised there was something a bit wrong, there. Now, I was not put on this earth to perpetrate terrible crimes against humanity, so I won't attempt to recreate the ambience of the local newspaper experience - you will have to see for yourself! Though it was a good curse, for sure, that also produced some of the greatest unintentional comedy writing in print. "He broke his toe drinking squash" and so on to a collapsible bliss of amusement. (That 'toe' quotation was taken from The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin, a novel by David Nobbs).

So now every man and woman of fighting age has a blog, I guess water finds its own level and the writing genius in us all rather sinks to the bottom. (Did you see? I was doing it there too! Though these gems were the fruits of the curse of a much superior school of journalism, as you might say, though I sincerely hope you wouldn't, for your sake). What a man's gotta blog, a man's gotta blog! There but for the grace of blog go I! Stop me now.

In short, the better part of my mind feels the awkwardness of finding ready words to write to you. I am conscious that my first choices are often just the easy phrases that come to mind, the result of constant exposure to language that sells, entertains, intimidates, misinforms, but only rarely speaks from the heart. Isn't it a sacred thing to be able to pass on our secrets and give love through words? Isn't it a wonder that we can share the mystery of how we came to be here and how we ever became able to think and speak? Even more, we can think about thought itself and speak about words...

So when you write your blog, remember: the literary rubbish probably floats to the top, so just wait a minute and bash your head against the desk to knock some of it out. Then listen to your heart. That's where the truest words are kept.

This is my introductory post, so I shall be less self-conscious next time. Don't worry, my capacity to appal through words will be unimpaired. But I can say that other posts will definitely be shorter! Most of all, I will do my best to heed my own advice. Anything else would be...NO PUN AT ALL! Hooray!!!